Wednesday, October 8, 2014

When Will The Void Disappear?

A blog post was shared in my mom's group today about the void. If you haven't had the chance to read it, check out Scary Mommy's post about The Void When You're Done Having Children. It's fabulous. She articulates the feeling that I've been trying to explain for months and I know I'm not the only one struggling with it. While I'm happy with our family and the two children we were blessed with, there is a part of me that will always want more children. I am not sure when, or if, I will ever be content with being done with that part of my life. I hear other moms talk about knowing their family is complete and I've never felt that. It's strange to know that despite my body continuing like nothing's changed, I will never be able to be pregnant, hold my newborn for the first time, or breastfed again. Every first of Connor's is also the last time we will experience that first in our house. 

I know how lucky I am to have two perfectly healthy children and it's hard to talk about this topic without sounding ungrateful. I am so grateful for them and I love them more than words can say. But every time I hear someone ask if I'm having a third, it feels like I've been punched in the gut and after every pregnancy announcement, there is an ache in my belly that I can't seem to control. Note to my friends: this does not mean you should feel guilty about being pregnant. PLEASE don't! Just make sure I get to hold your newborn. I will gladly hold them as long as you will let me! 

I don't know if or when the void goes away. Something tells me it's around when you have grandchildren (which better be decades away in my case!)

Are you happy with how many children you have or do you get "void" that we're talking about? 

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