Friday, January 4, 2013

The letter I will never send

I honestly just have to get this off of my chest. I will probably never send it. But it was therapeutic to write it. Here is the back story if you are interested. 

Dear evil high risk OB,

I doubt you remember me. To you, I was a 10 minutes appointment, a face in a crowd. But I will never forgot those 10 minutes. In that short time, you told me to not have any more children. You said that I would likely never be able to have a healthy pregnancy due to my previous heart failure and that you would recommend I terminate if I did happen to get pregnant. Because if I did try to have a pregnancy, I would most likely lose heart function and would possible die during delivery, leaving my husband to care for two children. You made me feel selfish for wanting more kids. You smiled at Grace and said I should feel lucky that I had one child before my heart troubles and be happy with just her. I spent the next two days crying after that appointment.

Luckily, I got a second opinion and ended up not taking your misguided advice. Before you tell a woman something like that, please do your research. Women expect you to know what you're talking about in regards to high risk issues, but in my case,  you didn't even know what my syndrome was.  You simply stated the statistics for normal heart attack patients, which I am not. My high risk OBs and my cardiologist were shocked when I told them what you said. If you care to know, I had a perfectly normal pregnancy and delivery.

This is what you told me to never have or to terminate sir:

I am forever grateful that I didn't listen to you. I will never forget the words that came out of your mouth that day and I pray every day that other women seek out second opinions just like I did. Because if I had listened to you, I would have missed out on my amazing baby boy.


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  1. Good for you for getting your feelings out! I think you should sent it though. It might feel even bettter knowing this doctor gets to read your letter knowing they greatly impacted you so deeply.

  2. This goes to show doctors do not know everything. I am glad you followed your heart and that you did your own research and got second opinion. Look at the precious gift you received!

  3. I agree, I think you should sent it. I was in a similar situation with my oldest. Our OB, who actually didn't know me at all, but just delivered us via emergency c-section told me that I was lucky I didn't kill our child and I would be selfish to have anymore children. Well lucky for him that I had a strong support system and now have my unmedicated VBAC baby who is almost 2 and #3 on the way (who will be a birth center baby :). Sometimes I think Dr.'s need to actually get to know their patients before they make rash judgements. Just so you know, I have written a letter as well and did send it :)



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