Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Left Behind

Connor has been such an easy baby that my emotional recovery from giving birth has been a ton easier than it was with Grace. But I'm struggling with other emotions totally unrelated to baby blues.

In the past few weeks I have heard about 4 friends of mine who have gotten large promotions in the library world. All of them were around the same level as I was when I quit my job to become a stay at home mom and now they've all gotten into much higher level jobs. And I'm happy for them, I really am. But I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy as they excitedly talk about their new responsibilities. I could be doing what they're doing. I could be in upper management and I could be making more money than I had been before. I just feel left behind I guess.

I feel ungrateful talking about this because I know how blessed I am to be able to stay at home. I know how hard Mike works so that I am able to be at home with our kids. I love being a stay at home mom and I love my kids. I wouldn't change anything, but that jealousy is still there. When I'm dealing with Grace's tantrums or Connor's blowout diapers, I can't help but wonder what could have been. Do any other stay at home moms struggle with this?

Sorry to get so serious but it's been bothering me for several weeks. I promise I'll get back to the fun stuff tomorrow!

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  1. I love being a SAHM. It's what I've always pictured myself doing with my life. I've never had any major career aspirations. And even I feel jealous when I hear about friends' jobs and achievements. Sitting in rush hour only to get to work and sit at a desk only sounds glamorous to a woman who spends most of her days unshowered, in yoga pants, and covered in spit-up, as I was for much of my daughter's first 9 months. I think part of what's tough for me is that nobody really gets how hard being a SAHM is. I feel like I was made to be a SAHM, and it's still literally the most difficult thing I've ever done. You are absolutely, 100% not alone--the grass really does seem greener over there in the land of the [outside-the-home-] employed.

  2. I totally understand your jealousy. I love being home with my kids and I know that I would not be happy going back to work if I ever had to, but that doesn't mean that sometimes the menial, everyday, dirty tasks don't sometimes make me wish I was somewhere else. Especially when my husband has a management meeting at a nice restaurant or an out of town trip, jealousy shows it's ugly head, making me wonder why I have to stay home and he gets to have all the fun. But then I remember how blessed I am to be able to teach my children and watch them grow and be there for all their little accomplishments. I feel so bad for mom's who have to leave their children in daycare all week and don't get the chance to be there for the little things. But, yes, I think we all feel left out, left behind, or trapped sometimes. You are not alone there :)



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